We have had a busy day today. After breakfast, Liam and I headed to the grocery store to get the ingredients needed to make chicken casserole and sloppy joes- my mom will be making those Thursday and Friday night. I'm hoping she saves the chicken casserole for Friday just in case I get to come home by then. We came home and I ran the perishable food in and we headed out again to go to target- Liam ran out of his bubble bath last night and that had to be replaced stat. I had also ordered a boppy cover online and chose to pick it up in the store but it was actually a different brand name so I cancelled the order. Poor Malia will have to use big brother's blue boppy covers for a while. We do have one gender neutral one- three peas in a pod- from Liam & Malia's great granny Jean so that's on the pillow now and in the car ready to hopefully assist me in nursing. Then we went to Barnes & Noble to get Zachary a book called Why a Daughter Needs a Dad. I opened up to a random page and read three of the 50 or 100 reasons and teared up. I know personally there is nothing like the relationship between a little girl and her daddy. I also picked up a cute little book- From Mother to Daughter. I got the From Father to Son for Zachary for his first Father's Day so I thought it'd be neat to have a guide for myself. Then Liam and I shared one of our traditions that we probably won't be able to do for a while- our Chickfila date. He ate all of his chicken and enjoyed his ice. We came home, Liam took a nap and the educator from the Infants & Toddlers Program came to the house for her first session with him. She came an hour early on accident so when she left, Liam finished his nap. Zachary got home and eventually we went to dinner at Outback. I don't get to eat for a while so I wanted dinner to be really good. Then we came home and packed... we just put Liam to bed about 30 minutes ago. I wanted to say all the right things to him like he could understand what's going on. I wanted to tell him that things are going to be really different starting tomorrow but the depth of my love for him will never change. I wanted to tell him he will always be our first baby. The first one we learned to feed and bathe. The first one for whom we had to decide crib bumpers or no crib bumpers, when to let him cry longer than we felt comfortable with. He was the first one we had to see hurting and not able to help and he was the first one whose tickle spots we found that made the most beautiful sounds we've ever heard come out. He taught us a lot and we'll let Malia know she should be grateful to him for that. But Malia will teach us a lot too. We'll have to learn a lot about the sibling dynamic through her. My brother and I are 7 years apart- there wasn't a lot of rivalry there- we didn't get compared that much because we have always been at different stages of our lives. Zachary and his brother are a little closer in age and went through more of those experiences but Liam and Malia are probably going to be one grade apart. They're probably going to be mistaken for twins. They're going to like the same toys and doing the same things which will be convenient in some ways and nightmarish in others. My prayer for them is that they'll always be close. I know they're going to drive each other crazy sometimes but at the end of the day I hope they close their eyes knowing that they love and are loved by each other. Now that Liam has gone to bed my focus is turning to Malia. The main thing I'm wondering: is she going to look like Liam did when he was born? How long is she, how much does she weigh? Then my thoughts go to the delivery. I pray we have a routine, boring delivery. I can't wait to see the look in Zachary's eyes when he holds his baby girl for the first time. I'm also very curious- and a little anxious- to see how Liam reacts. Is he going to poke her? Blow her kisses? I wonder if she, unlike her brother, will love being held and snuggled. I hope so. For now, I'm going to go enjoy a bath. I won't be home for a few days and then I don't know how long it'll be before I can sit in water with my incision so I'm going to make this one count- candles, bubble bath, Joshua Radin music, the whole 9 yards. Zachary's currently engaged in his relaxing activity- watching the MLB All Star game. And I've got to remember to eat around 11:30 since I'm not allowed to eat after midnight. Man oh man, not looking forward to that. Also my parents and brother will be here in about an hour! I'm so excited they will be able to be here to meet Malia as soon as they can and take good care of the little man. Malia's been safe and content for the last nine months- I assume this because I haven't had any rib shots like I did with Liam and she's stuck around this long instead of surprising us and coming early- but she's about to come into a family- immediate and extended- who love her and whose love for her will only grow with time.
Maybe instead of Joshua Radin, I will listen to MercyMe's Beautiful. I hope I can help Malia keep these words and truly know this in her heart:
You're beautiful.
You are treasured.
You are sacred.
You are His.
You're beautiful.
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