So I've had a secret for the past three weeks. We found out on July 29th that I was pregnant. I was super excited and had this cute way of telling Zachary since with both Liam and Malia, I just blurted it out on the phone.
Those colorful index cards in the top corner were recipes for drinks that I like that I was no longer allowed to drink. The pink post it said- hold on to these for me. We have videos of us telling all our parents- it was a really, really joyful time.
This morning, I took a belly shot because it was starting to poke out a little.
I had my first OB appointment today so I took Malia to the CDC.
They didn't have room for Liam so Zachary was going to bring Liam but he's still not feeling well so he asked if it would be okay for him to keep Liam at home. He didn't want to get pregnant people sick so it seemed like the best plan. I've been nervous so I really wanted him to come but knew that he shouldn't.
So I went to the appointment alone. I was so scared. I've been so nervous this whole time. With the past two pregnancies, we've told people before the first appointment but with this one I told Zachary I really wanted to wait to tell anyone besides our parents and brothers because I was nervous. I kept telling my friend, Amy, that I just didn't feel pregnant. I even told my therapist that I was pregnant but didn't feel like it was going to end well. So I went to the appointment and tried to talk myself down- telling myself, everyone's always nervous, it's going to be okay. But it wasn't. There wasn't a heartbeat and it showed that, while I was almost 9 weeks along, the baby had stopped growing at 6 weeks. Everything else kept growing- so my belly had popped out and my body still thought I was pregnant- it's called a missed miscarriage. So a nurse went over options and I decided I wanted to have a procedure done in the hospital instead of waiting for the miscarriage to naturally occur. So we'll see when it's scheduled for- hopefully soon. I had to get blood drawn and will again on Wednesday to ensure the pregnancy hormone levels reflect what we can see on the ultrasound.
So I took my cute sign I made for Zachary- the one that said "Children are a gift from God" and had what we thought the baby's birth month/year would be and I'm going to turn it into something else. I'll keep you updated on that. I'm not painting over this because this baby hasn't been a joy- he or she has. He or she has brought so much joy to me and Zachary and even Liam. He or she brought joy to his or her grandparents and uncles... and just because he or she isn't going to be born and we'll never know him or her, he or she (man, I wish I knew the gender...) was a part of me for eight weeks and I'll never forget.
On a lighter note, Amy sent me these pictures of our girls from Evie's birthday last year and her birthday this year!
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