May 7 = Early Mother's Day

Zachary has duty tomorrow so we're celebrating Mother's Day today.  We have a bit of a tradition that we do something outside on Mother's Day- it's been a picnic for the last few years but Zachary went to a marathon with the USNA marathon team recently and thought I would love to go where they were.  However, he chose a different park on the same river so it would be somewhere he hadn't already seen so we could experience something new together!  As part of my morning routine, I looked at my facebook feed and saw this and while Liam doesn't have Autism, I can relate to this.  It says "Being an Autism parent is like flying one of these for the first time without a manual in the dark while all the passengers are telling you what you are doing wrong."

The first part of my special day my sweet husband planned for me was getting chickfila for breakfast.  As a bonus, we went inside instead of just going through the drive thru. I prefer eating inside because it's less of a mess and it's just easier for the kids.  So we went inside and the kids went straight to the play area.  Zachary went to order and at first it was going really well.  Then a mom came in with her two kids.  One was probably a little younger than Liam and the other was probably 6 or so.  The older one looked panicked when he saw there were other kids in the play area and he quietly said something to the younger one along the lines of "behave."  After a few minutes I could tell the mom had her hands full with the younger one.  There is no judgment in that statement because I have my hands full with my older one.  He was really loud and wanted to do what he wanted to do when he wanted to do it- again, just like Liam.  The older brother kept trying to keep him in check and was stressing himself out and the mom looked at me a few times like she was going to say something but decided against it.  As I thought in my head about what I wanted to say, the mom decided to take the kids and leave- a decision I make pretty often.  So I didn't get a chance to say this but this is what I wanted to say:

I get it.  You don't have to explain this to me.  I am a safe place.  The fact that you got both of your kids dressed, not to mention yourself- you look really cute by the way- is an accomplishment.  The fact that you talked yourself into bringing them somewhere where they could eat yummy food and play is impressive.  Especially when you're the only adult available, it's a lot easier to stay at home.  So good for you.  You can let him scream as loud as he wants- the people outside of this well insulated room can't hear us and he's not bothering me.  At this moment, I'm thankful my kid's not screaming but I can handle it if yours does. Thank you for being real- for letting that face of exasperation show through instead of pretending this is the first time this has ever happened and where did he learn this??  I've worn the same face a lot.  And I know it's usually met with superior, "thank God that's not me" smirks or straight up, "get a handle on your kid lady" glares.  But keep up the fight.  One day, you'll go to Chickfila and you'll get through breakfast and playtime and it'll be easier.  I'm not there yet either but I hold out hope it'll happen.  It feels like it's not worth it but each time you take him,  you tell him you believe in him, you love him and you want what's best for him.  And each time you leave carrying a screaming, flailing child out to the car and you still believe in him, love him and want what's best for him, you're proving you're an amazing mom.  

The only constructive thing I've had someone say to me in one of these times was someone who said, "God gives special needs kids to special moms."  In this day and age, everyone's so worried about being politically correct.  That was a brave thing to say- what if I didn't accept my child had special needs- I could have been offended.  That's probably why I didn't say anything- out of fear of how she'd react.  It's sad really.  I really just wanted to encourage her and tell her I can empathize but you just never know so I kept my mouth shut.  And right after she left, our food was ready, and so Malia and I went down and sat with Zachary right outside the play area where we could easily see Liam and he could continue to play.  After about ten minutes, a lot of kids came in and started playing and Liam lost control over the room and he didn't like that.  A mom opened the door for him thinking she was helping him out but he had a breakdown because he likes to be the one opening the door.  Poor woman- she had no clue what she did wrong.  Welcome to the club.  So I ended up taking Liam to the car and having him eat his breakfast in the car while Malia and Zachary finished up.  Too bad the mom from earlier didn't stick around and see my kid have a meltdown- maybe it would have made her feel better!

So we left from there to Great Falls Park on the Potomac River. We had such an awesome time- it was beautiful and my kids just love being outside so they were content as could be!  Liam hopped off the stroller a couple of times because he wanted to walk but for the most part they loved it and were super cooperative!